THE ADVENTURES OF DANTE

In light of recent events - no events whatsoever - I've decided that I'm going to write something. A series of somethings.

And thus, I am proud to announce THE ADVENTURES OF DANTE

Basically, I'm just going to write about what I've done in games, in an underwhelmed and sarcastic tone, as I'm sure you've come to expect. My suspension of disbelief is officially up for sale on eBay, so I'll be going at these games with a large, brick shaped brick, so to speak.

It's gonna be fun!

What I've Been Up To Lately

I'll get straight to the point here and let you in on a secret: I'm a really boring person. I might seem like Captain Kirk online, but in reality I'm more like Russell Kirk. Politic theorist? Sounds boring enough for me.

And thus, in no specific order, I present to you a list of things I've done lately:

Bought Call of Duty 4

Yeah, finally. I completed the single player in four hours, and was glad to discover that I couldn't reach level 55 in multiplayer in a similarly short space of time. That would be silly. There was a certain moment in the campaign that affected me quite strongly emotionally. I should blog about that in more detail sometime.

I Had My Hair Cut

A big occasion, and not an easy one to live through I'll have you know. It's now much shorter than I've had it in a fair while. Initially, I didn't like the new look. Now that I've got used to it though, I've decided it's not so bad. I can no longer hide behind my hair, or use my fringe to warm my face up, and worst of all I can't now pull two long bits of hair over my upper lip like a moustache. Despite this, I now look less like I belong in a 90s alternative rock group and more like a semi-productive member of 21st Century Society. Or a gay hairdresser. Whichever.

Went Outside

It was as scary as all the tales said it would be. Listen to me, patrons of the internet - I went out there so that you wouldn't have to. So believe me when I say this: it was bloody cold.

Apart from that, I've done nothing even half interesting. I'll strive in future not to be such a tedious person, if you all promise not to vote for any politicians. Vote Dante.

Thank you, and goodnight.

Christmas Prezzies: First Thoughts

Ahh, Christmas. A time of love and joy an' all that. I, however, do not suffer from such human failings, and thus I see only that fact that I get lots of prezzies.

Jesus is cool too. Go Jesus.

Anyway, I've been gifted Fable II, Crackdown and Saints Row II by a rotund chap with a sonorous catchphrase, which I can only assume refers to the ladies of the night waiting in his sleigh. I've had a quick go on Crackdown and Fable II, and so far my early verdicts are as follows:

Crackdown - Fun, but repetitive. Incredibly cheesy, and that guy who gives you a running commentary of what you're doing and what you should be doing has a horrible voice.

Fable II - There seem to be too many things to do, and I've been distracted from my mission of saving the world. I'll get back to it later, I need to fart at a crowd of children.

I might review them all sometime, if I feel like it and get enough hugs.