Tuesday, 5 August 2008

Memoirs of a priest (LFG Ulda)

There are nine million players in the World of Warcraft, as Verne Troyer so enthusiastically explains. Many of them, I'm sure, have decidedly active social lives - many in number, if not in proportion. I, however, am part of the percentage of them who do not. A percentage of outcasts, pariahs, retards... whatever it is you choose to call us, we do most definitely exist.

To make up for out extraordinary lack of contact with the outside world, we have to look to WoW for company and indeed, something to do with our sorry lives. There are a few memorable events which I have witnessed, been a part of, or even cause throughout my WoW 'career'. Thus, I am spending some of my time typing a few of them up, to keep up my reputation of having nothing better to do with my life.

So, children, sit down by the fire, and grandpa will begin...

Joining my first guild was a momentous occasion for me. I felt a true WoW player - I was part of a game playing community. As I was wandering aimlessly about Ironforge, a purple, glow-in-the-dark eyed, floppy bunny eared chap invited me to be a 'Knight of Cydonia'. I settled into the then-small guild and began inviting members.

Now, I must explain our highly complex and well thought-out way of recruiting new guildmates. First, you roam an area of your choice (low level areas, like Elywynn Forest, are best) looking for guildless heroes, then invite them. With any luck, they'll accept.

When they don't accept, they either completely ignore you and forget the meeting ever happened, or have a go at you. I only encountered the latter on one occasion, when the chap in question politely whispered, "SHOVE IT IN MY F***ING FACE WHY DON'T YOU", the all-capitals presumably representing his yelling in anger and disgust. I pause for a moment, slightly shocked at this rude verbal assault on the remarkably eventless recruiting drive of Kalephos, Level 12 Human Priest. I then begin to ponder. Could my 'meet 'n' greet' method be a little crude? Is a more subtle approach required? I shrug these thoughts off, and am on my way to hunt some Level 13 Harvest Golem. Ding! Gz! Repeat.

At Level 18, I met Nitewolve, a night elf rogue, and we quickly became friends grinding partners thanks to our mutual boredom. After leveling up, we met yet another night elf. However, we heard him before we saw him, and finding him then became a matter of utmost importance because of what he shouted.


"Milk!" Me and Nitewolve proclaim excitedly and then meet up with the milkman, who reveals that in fact there is no milk. Slightly deflated, we nonetheless become acquainted with this Bloodymercy chap. Over the next few weeks, me and Bloodymercy become close friends, questing together on a daily basis.

Something that I remember quite well is when Bloodymercy and I came across a (Supposedly) female Draenei. The conversation between them went roughly as follows:

Bloodymercy: Hey
Draenei: Hey
Bloodymercy: Wanna go out?
Draenei: Sure
Bloodymercy: Cya later then

It struck me as slightly odd, even comical, how casually this event had transpired. Furthermore, when I questioned Bloodymercy about it around a week later, he said he hadn't spoken to her since.

Bloodymercy had long pestered me about joining his guild, and eventually I relented. Upon joining his guild however, I was greeted in the chat channel by this delightful message: "I bet Tauren have huge cocks" Oh. My. Gosh. What kind of guild have I just joined?

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